Daughter: I’m really depressed today
Mom: Cancel all your plans and stay in
Daughter: Ya? Is that going to make me feel better?
Mom: No, but it’ll make me feel better.
Daughter: Um, how?
Mom: Someone was shot in Toronto yesterday. You never know who’s lurking outside. This is such a horrible world, I’d rather you just lock your doors and ignore the phone.
Daughter: Thanks Mom, I feel so much better.
Sister: OMG, I love these shoes!
Mom: Take them off.
Me: You look like a hooker!
Mom: Honestly, talk about bad taste.
Me: Who the heck would wear those?
Sister: (To the sales associate) Excuse me, do you like these?
Sales Associate: Definitely! I own those in 3 difference colours!
Mom: Exactly.
*puts shoes back*
Me: Mom do you want some mint tea?
Mom: Mint Tea?! Isn’t that bad for you?
Me: What? It’s used for relaxing…
Mom: No, it’s dangerous. Mint’s bad for you lungs!
Me: What?
Mom: My doctor told me to stop smoking my mint cigarettes because they were bad for my lungs!
Me: Oh yes, I’m sure he was referring to the mint…